How To Make Your Relationship Amazing with Lisa Bilyeu

In today's episode, our guest is Lisa Bilyeu. She is the co-founder and president of Impact Theory, a digital media production company focused on empowering content. In addition to co-founding Impact Theory, she also co-founded the billion-dollar brand, Quest Nutrition. Her career trajectory has been an arc from housewife to entrepreneur, transforming my business focus from nutrition to entertainment media, and now jumping in front of the camera to host the YouTube show, "Women of Impact," which centers on all things female empowerment!

[3:25] Why should someone listen to you?

I actually don't think people should listen to anyone first. The truth is that everyone will give you advice, but there's only one you. It's important to listen to your own voice and figure out what you need to hear. I have my own perspective, my way of living, and the things that I've learned from my own experiences. I can share my stance, opinion, and thoughts, but ultimately it's up to you to decide what will serve you best. I believe that sometimes the right message comes from the right person at the right time. It could even be a stranger or a barista who gives you better advice than I could at a particular moment. I know this may sound like a cop-out answer, but it's important to acknowledge that everyone has their own journey and path. So many people look to successful individuals and take their words as gospel, but when they fail, they make it about themselves. It's important to remember that people are only giving their opinions, and it's up to you to decide how to use them to grow and change.

[6:55] How did you get to a point where you developed a little bit of trust?

Oh, that's a great question. I think you have to just touch the hot stove. Even when people tell you it's hot. You have to get burned. Secondly, we talk about intuition. But what we don't talk about is that intuition is like a skill set. It's like a muscle you have to train. And so what we've done our entire lives is what we've trained our intuition, to the point that if someone walks in the room, and starts looking around frantically and moves slowly, your intuition says, maybe you should keep an eye on this person. They're acting quote-unquote. Now people just like to say, oh, no, that's intuition. No, it's not. It's 20 to 30 years of you identifying that when people walk into a room and look like that. So intuition, to me, is a skill set. 

[18:08] Have you ever experienced difficulty in making different statement?

Yes, absolutely. It's been a real challenge for me to articulate what I'm looking for, and Tom, my husband, has pointed out that I tend to repeat myself without getting to the point. I've come to realize that I need space to express myself and talk things out, as it helps me understand my own thoughts and emotions. However, I've also recognized that leading with emotion can cloud my clarity, and that makes it difficult for others to understand me. Tom and I have established an agreement on how we communicate when we're in a state of emotional distress. For the first 10 minutes, I just need space to talk and let out my emotions, without any interruptions or suggestions. After that, Tom checks in to see if I'm ready to move on to finding solutions. It's been helpful for us to have this open agreement, as it avoids the typical "men try to fix it, women just want to talk" scenario. If I still don't have clarity, Tom will help me identify that, and I'll take some time to reflect before coming back to him. 

To give an example, I started to feel disconnected from Tom, even though we work together every day as business partners. We recognized that we communicate differently with each other depending on whether we're in husband-and-wife mode or business-partner mode. I tend to be more wordy and emotional, whereas he is more direct and to-the-point. We've learned to establish which mode we're in before starting a conversation, which helps us communicate more effectively. So when I brought up feeling disconnected, Tom asked me some questions to help me identify what was causing that feeling. Sometimes, I might just be saying a lot of words without really knowing what I'm feeling, and in those moments, Tom doesn't necessarily know what to do differently. But we've learned to recognize that it's okay to just let me talk things out and process my emotions, even if there isn't an immediate solution.

[39:50] So what are you willing to do to get where you want to be?

Let's face it, if you believe that just wanting something is enough, then we'd all have six-pack abs, be wealthy, stay young forever, and have long-lasting relationships. In reality, there is a massive gap between wanting something and executing it. Wanting may be the spark that ignites the flame, but to turn that spark into a roaring bonfire, you need to keep feeding it air. You can't simply stop feeding it, or the spark will fizzle out. Keeping the fire burning takes constant work. If you want to become wealthy, successful, or have a happy relationship, you need to come up with an action plan. Willing something to happen is not enough. Tom and I realized this when we were building our businesses at the same time. We learned that nothing happens by accident. You need to put time and effort into anything you want to succeed at, or it won't survive. Neglecting a relationship will cause it to wither away, just like a business.

We understand that there is a massive gap between wanting something and having the knowledge to make it happen. Even listening to us talk about it won't make it happen for you. You need to take action. Once you have the knowledge, you need to put it into action and figure out what works and what doesn't. You need to continuously evaluate your progress and make improvements. Tom and I call this the physics of progress. Improving your relationship takes effort and planning, just like running a successful business. We have been together for 22 years, and we are more connected and in love than ever before. This is not by accident; it's because we're willing to work at it. Some people may find it funny or think we sound like we're talking about business, but this is all we know, and it works for us.

[55:10] What promise did God make to the world when he created you? 

To make ordinary people get back up and achieve their dreams.

Key Quotes 

[28:50-28:55] There is a massive difference between need and want. 

[41:50-41:55] If you want to improve on something, you have to come up with a plan and show up to execute it. 

How to connect with Lisa Bilyeu 

Instagram:https://instagram.com/lisabilyeu?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= 

Facebook: Https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/lisabilyeu