In today’s episode, our guest is Todd Herman, the godfather of identity. This guy has an incredible brain. Not only is he a good human being, but he’s one of the few people that makes my mindful inadequate. He’s so smart, so caring, so serving, but at the same time, he works with Olympians. He’s worked with the NFL network and building something with some cool content.
[6:50] What do you see as some of the new times things people are dialing into that are being difficult, that identity is attached without them knowing?
So there are two things that I talk about with people. One of the big things that I help to try to encourage people to reshape as a way that they see themselves is that there is no one you. I can’t put you underneath a microscope or any other device and see that there’s just one identity that’s there because the reality is we all sit on many fields of play in our lives. We have many roles that we play.
[10:05] In 2008, the field of psychology completely shifted. And now multiple self-theory, which isn’t a theory, is one of the root kind of pillars of that world. It states that the people who see themselves as having many identities, many selves that operate in the world, and they intentionally create themselves in a way that helps them win and lead a high-quality life are more fulfilled and resilient.
[10:55] The two things that people struggle with right now are role strain and role conflict.
[13:35] How do you reconcile with the concept of giving themselves grace and permission to go into this realm?
Then I asked people two questions. Who created the ME? Did you choose the ME that you’re talking about right now? And then the other part of that is, who are you now?
[17:09] How does it show up in real life for people when they want to make the change?
For some people, it’s not about being someone different. It’s about trying to find a way to allow this set of capabilities and qualities you have nested inside of you to more naturally come out of you, unencumbered by the concerns, worries, doubts, and judgments of other people and most likely yourself.
[20:29] And a lot of times, it comes straight back down to values and character strengths or traits. And the easiest model that you can go and use is the 24 character traits that Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson from the positive psychology movement defined. And then if you take a look at those 24, you go if I was to put a list together, a five that would turn me into a powerful leader that I intentionally acted through every single day, would that give me what I think I want to achieve or how I want to show up? And the answer will be because the statistics and the data show s yes, it will. And then you go to the next role in your life.
[22:35] Learning and developing the skill of talking to yourself in the third person is one of the most transformative things any human being could ever do because you start speaking to yourself in an I form in your head.
[25:14] Are there things that need tools and be very beneficial?
I accept all forms of notes on the carrier pigeon’s legs. So I tell people to ask the same question. You can go outside or should it be yellow flare I’ll come to find you.
[27:02] What promise did God make to the world when He created you?
That when you meet me, you’re going to be met with kindness.
[15:59-16:17] “Really honor the fact that who we are. We’re creators. We can create. And just because you’re here and now with an identity or a personality or a persona that has worked for you so far, that isn’t who you will always be.”
[22:35-22:43] “Learning and developing the skill of talking to yourself in the third person is one of the most transformative things any human being could ever do.”