In today’s episode, our guest is Rebecca Zung, author, a narcissism negotiation expert, a popular YouTuber with more than 100,000 subscribers in 10 months, and one of the best divorce attorneys in the United States. She is known for dealing with the realm of helping people deal with divorces with narcissists.
[5:51] Why should we listen to you?
The first thing I would say is to tell me about you because I’m curious about people. I love listening to people. But if you want to know anything about negotiating at a highly professional level, especially with complex and toxic people, I certainly know how to do it.
[8:09] What is Narcissist?
A narcissist is a person who has no inner sense of value. So they have to derive all of their value from the external through either adulation or entitlement. They degrade people, control people, and cannot have any sense of genuine care or empathy for others because they’re wrapped up and surviving.
[9:36] They are undoubtedly aware that they don’t feel good about themselves. I think that they’re aware that they feel like the world is not a good place.
[11:12] Determining a Narcissist.
Most people don’t understand that they’re dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are master manipulators, especially covert narcissists. They seem like the most wonderful, kind, friendly people on the planet to the rest of the world. They only reserve their heinous selves for the people that they’re targeting.
[12:26] People need to understand the difference between confidence, giving you the reasons why you should listen to me at all, and having no sense of care for others. There’s not as black and white. This person is a narcissist. People that have narcissistic traits or tendencies, and maybe they’re just jackass.
[14:51] Diagnosis people with Narcissism
There are seven things that psychologists or psychiatrists look at to determine if this person is a narcissist. Most narcissists don’t end up sitting on the sofa of a psychologist or a psychiatrist. So, it’s kind of hard to know.
[19:09] Have you ever seen people who happened to be narcissists?
It’s widespread for covert narcissists to be put themselves in those positions because they want to be in trust positions of fact. And it’s one of the iterations for sure.
[20:08] Narcissists want admiration, money, prestige, compliments, respect. If they’re not going to get that from you, then they’ll get supply from you by intimidating you, controlling you, jerking you around, degrading you, debasing you. There’s going to be a hierarchy of supply levels for them, which prevents you, and that’s the way to get attention and control them.
[23:46] Courses and Books
You create a strategy, diagnose the situation, create your guiding principle, which is your vision, and then you create an action plan. And then you have to figure out what leverage it is that you’re going to use and when and how it’s going to be presented. You know where the negotiations are going to occur and how to build a rapport and read body language.
[26:09] What promise did God make to the world when He created you?
I believe that we’re here to serve. Let my thoughts be your thoughts. Let my words be your words. Show me the way.
[13:25 -13:28] “All people want to feel, seen, and heard, and then know that they matter.”
[21:13 -21:15] “You give something to get something.”