In today’s episode, our guest is Kate Eckman. Her mission is to see the people truly she’s with, whether her best friend, her parents, niece, or a stranger at the coffee shop. She feels that everyone needs to be heard.
[0:55] When you go back to stages in your life that became important to you, did you experience some form of that?
I had a forward-thinking profession. For 17 years, I was a professional swimmer. As a result, I grew up to be a jock. I used to be an athlete. Since I was excelling, I felt pretty well-regarded as an athlete. People notice you when you’re good at something, and they want a bit of it. So what if you’re not the champion? What about when things aren’t going too well? And I’ve seen that in several customers or colleagues who were professional players before their careers ended.
[2:29] I believe that we all make decisions that aren’t necessarily in our best interests, depending on who we are. We can get dragged into social norms we don’t believe in, and I haven’t done so. And I guess it’s perplexing for some people that I don’t make the same choices as anyone else.
[3:52] How did you kind of transition into what you do now?
I lost not one but two dear friends to suicide. And one of them was my ex-boyfriend. One was a best friend with who I was romantically involved on and off for ten years. So really, two of the loves of my life, and to call it a wake-up call is such an understatement. And I found myself in the middle of time square one morning, having a massive panic attack about six weeks after Sam died and just overcame with grief hadn’t allowed me to fully deal with it because I had work to do and money to make, and people to impress.
[4:54] Men are taught to bury their feelings, suppress their emotions, and the name of quote-unquote, being a man. And it’s something that I want to talk about to help release the stigma, to normalize what it means to struggle or suffer or have a bad day, and to reach out for help and that there’s no shame in that.
[6:15] What is it that you do when you look back at those moments?
We all have a decent concept of what we ought to do mentally. The practice is taking it from your head down to your heart and implementing it into your body. Then, move to your hands from your heart, where you can bring these techniques, values, and exercises into action. So, for me, it was a case of putting my money where my mouth is. It wasn’t any sweet little fun that had to be good to look after my well-being, a sink or swim situation. And I knew that coming up with these activities was critical to my future. And so then, in our culture, it’s all about that grind and hustle and makes it happen. What I’ve understood is to be still and quiet on the inside.
[10:55] Five P’s
- Presence. Just being all there. Showing up as you mean it.
- Purpose. Your purpose is your why. Why is this important to you?
- Preparation. When we are prepared, it increases morale which leads to improved outcomes.
- Practice. You just show up and everything is going to work out.
2 extra P’s
- Pause. Goes back to spiritual fitness where instead of reacting right away to that nasty comment, the rude email, the upsetting situation, the person who cuts you off in traffic, you take a moment and pause, and it really is about getting still and being non-reactive.
- Be a Person. It is about embracing our natural, messy human tendencies to want to obsess, to want to try to control. Just be a freaking person, show up and have fun for and forget the rest.
[15:49] I’ve learned, especially writing and editing this whole book during COVID is that we, as humans can do whatever we decide is important enough.
[16:32] When’s the book coming out?
[17:11] Who’s the best candidate to actually read this book?
The best candidate to read this book is anyone who can read. Because we are busting through fewer real roadblocks here that everyone experiences, I’m talking about emotional gravity, everyone has some extra emotional pounds. They need to shut off fear, doubt, and insecurity, stress, overwhelm exhaustion. Pick your battle. Everyone has something that they’re facing. I think everyone is struggling, and this is my book like yours. It’s a fun, easy read. It’s so many entertaining stories. And then a lot of just practical exercises and meditations.
[19:07] What promise did God make to the world when he created you?
Life is meant to be fun. We need someone to remind everyone to bring out their infectious and enthusiasm and show up in our lives with joy. And we’re meant to be here, to love ourselves, love each other, and be the sunshine. My mantra is I am the sunshine. So God was like, if you’re having a rainy day, I’m bringing this woman to you to bring the joy.
[1:15-1:23] “When you’re really good at something, people see you because they want a piece of that. But what about when you’re not the champion? What about when you’re not doing well?”
[2:29-2:39] “I think we all make choices that aren’t always what we really want to do based on who we really are. We sometimes get sucked into societal standards that we don’t really believe in.”
[7:42-7:57] “You might have to look at yourself and see things you don’t really want to see. You have to feel things that are unpleasant. You have to forgive yourself, you have to forgive other people. You have to acknowledge those times you got it wrong and not shame and blame yourself.”
[8:53-9:11] “It’s never going to be about having the hot partner, having the hot body, having the mansion, having the cars, all that is nice. It really is that inner confidence and strength and resilience that we need to build.”