EksAyn Anderson – This Will Make You Rethink Your Parenting
By Mary Maxey October 24, 2019
He is a speaker and author and has also been featured on Forbes, TV shows, and business blogs. In this episode, we will uncover how he has been able to make successful shifts happen.
[3:30] Why should I listen to you?
I was eight years old when my mum died. I knew what life was like before she died and what life was like after she died. There are tiny little things she did when I was young that still profoundly affect me today.
[4:40] How did you handle that experience at that age?
When I was a kid, I drew trees with branches, but I changed my style at one point. I started to draw them in the way that the other kids did. I followed them just because I wanted to fit in. There was also a time when I went out to play league with the other kids, and when I got back home, mom suffered from a severe headache. I remember hugging her and telling her that I loved her. I was scared and anxious till the following day. The next morning, when I woke up, I saw only my dad with many friends and neighbors.
What happened was that mom had a cerebral hemorrhage, and a blood vessel in her brain had burst. She was declared dead and was on life support. The life support was taken off, and she was declared dead. How do you think I draw trees now? I pull them the way my mom wants. I draw them in a way my mom would have loved if she had been alive. I’ve learned that what we do in our homes as dads or parents in our families will be more profound than what we do at work. Our grandkids won’t care about what we did at work but what we did as a father and a parent. Our roles as parents affect us so much that the generations will do them.
[14:50] Do you think there is a part of her that still lives in you through how you parent your kids?
Well, I hope so. Not everything I learned from my parents was 100%. Some were painful experiences, but I think that the things she did affect my kids today. I think they will affect many generations, my grandchildren, and it will go on for a very long time.
[16:10] Do you mind sharing your family dynamics?
I have a wonderful wife, a spiritual supermodel, and five great children. I have realized in parenting that we try to punish them when they don’t do something right. However, if you want a behavior in your kids to grow, you water the behaviors you want to see grow with attention. I was horrible at parenting for the first few years, but I learned. One day, my daughter walked up to me and told me about how she made her bed, prepared her lunch, and all. It was a behavior that I would love to see grow in her, and I praised her for what she did. Fortunately, she did it again. Anytime she did, I acknowledged those behaviors, and she did them again and again.
As dads, we have a unique ability to find strength in our kids.
I think it’s appropriate for us to acknowledge the excellent behavior of our children. It does not have to be every time. It is more effective when it is staggered.
[28:09] How do you navigate being a father of five kids?
It’s fascinating. If we look for opportunities, kids want to do hard things. But sometimes, they are quashed by us. I will tell you a story. When she was five years old, my daughter told me she would love to hike a mountain with me. I could have stoldher that she couldn’t, but I asked her why she wanted to do it, and she said she just wanted to. I told her she could do it if she wanted to. I told her we were going to hike for so long that she could feel pain at some point, but she still wanted to. She followed me, and we walked. She walked 15 miles, and when we got to the top of the mountain, there were people up there, and they applauded her. From there, she got the confidence to do a lot of stuff.
[48:23] What promise did God make to the world when he created you?
I do not know if I know the answer quite yet, but I know that I am on a mission to help as many marriages and families as possible because it’s the thing that will benefit society more than anything. We need enough excellent parents and dads.
[17:00-17:10] The best way to influence your kids is to catch them doing something right.
[21:40-21:47]. If you don’t consciously look for the good all the time, the default is to find what’s wrong all the time.
[32:36-32:40] As a dad, our job is to help our kids be tough enough to survive life even when we are not there.