In today’s episode, our guest is Darryll Stinson, a former athlete, now a speaker, a speaking coach as well. He’s a two-time TEDx speaker and founder of second chance athletes. He now helps and gives athletes a roadmap to discover their new purpose and living a fulfilled life.
[2:06] Why should we listen to you?
I think the best people to listen to are people who value life. Every moment of life, I feel like that’s where the greatest wisdom comes from. And as a survivor, I always tell people I’m living the life that I try to end. So every day is truly a gift to me. I don’t waste days. I have a deep appreciation for life and an understanding of an emotional spectrum, having gone from the height of being an elite athlete to the low of being in a depressed state.
[3:18] What is it you actually do in the world?
I help athletes transition out of sports, specifically help them grieve it. An athlete needs time to process, to grieve, especially the ones who feel like they got taken advantage of their coaches.
[4:10] And then I’m personally passionate about helping people share their stories, building their speaker business, like if you have a good mission and a story, and you just don’t know the business side of speaking, being able to elevate that, the more visibility, the greater the impact.
[5:08] How did you get to the point of saying, this is the darkest parts of my soul, the hardest things I’ve experienced and I’m going to go out into the world and tell people about it.
I actually had to have an identity shift to be able to share because I hated the way that I sound, I hated the way that I talked, the way I looked, I hated my voice. I hated how it sounded. And I was not very vocal about my story, not because I was ashamed of the depression, but because I just didn’t like myself. People kept saying, you got to share your story. And I started to do it very timidly. But when you show up timidly, you have fewer results, then you feel bad about the results you didn’t get and then you feel more insecure.
And so I was going through that cycle and one day I’m up sharing my story, the mental health thing, I survived suicide, have this big shift in a psychiatric unit. I put my faith in Christ and I just shifted powerfully into this new identity.
[7:10] It’s not about me. It’s about who I can help. It’s not about being impressive. It’s about being helpful. And that was the moment I’m like I have to shift from being a performer, to being a resource. That put a fire inside of me that made me go like more people have to heal, hear the real and the raw of my story, because that’s how we can make the biggest impact.
[8:04] As you build this thing, what do you hope happens?
For our organization, second chance athletes, we want to create a three-month experience where instead of getting thrust into a new world, you have an incubator where you can go for three months and have no living expenses. No responsibilities and just focus on you, pivoting, deciding what you want to do, healing and grieving, and building camaraderie. And then you shift into that new world with so much power and authority and confidence.
[11:32] What would be the best chunk of wisdom to move through and elevate past these moments of identity loss?
Process before you proceed. Unprocessed pain is ill process pain. Typically when we go through experiences that have a lot of meaning and emotion in them and we just move to the next experience and we don’t process it, we think that we just keep it moving, we’re being high achievers. But in reality, we start to make ill process conclusions about ourselves, about others, about the world that really limit the amount of love and light we can bring into the world.
[15:52] What do you find are some of the things that you really wish for your daughters or maybe conversations you have with them that you think other people don’t have but maybe should.
One of the things that I’m very passionate about my daughters and continuing the legacy is I want them and us as a family to be known for the way we love and for the way we give.
[18:34] What are some of the lessons that you’ve learned that you find are hard to get your daughter’s listening to?
Patience is one of the hardest things. We’re in such a rush that we missed the now. So today you can enjoy the day, you can learn and love lessons from today. That’s the hardest thing to get my daughter and people to grasp because we’re just such in a rush for the next.
[20:56] When it comes to the speakers you work with, are you built around, like have dialed in scripting structure or you let the heart flow?
Preparation is important especially when you want to be a paid speaker. But the two things that I really focus on that I think are unique to space, in general, is number one purpose. So I have a 22 lesson course that I require my clients to go through. And it’s all purpose discovery stuff that took me five years to learn.
[22:58] And then the other thing is personality. And this is what you’re describing as free-flowing.
[30:29] What promise did God make to the world when he created you?
What people get when they get me is more love and more resourcefulness. I think all roads lead to God. So whenever we all have our functions, the way that we do is supposed to him, but my uniqueness is my ability to love and connect with people.
[2:10-2:16] “I think the best people to listen to are people who value life.”
[5:47-5:51] When you show up timidly, you have fewer results.”
[11:42-11:50] “Process before you proceed. Unprocessed pain is ill process pain.”
[12:40] “The worst thing in life is not failure. It’s actually being successful at the wrong thing.”
[19:01-19:05] “The process is not a means to an end. It’s a gift in itself.”
[19:37-19:42] “To embrace the process and enjoy where you are is one of the hardest things to get people to.”
[28:39-28:43] “You should never lose someone you love over over your pride, but you should lose your pride over someone.”